A little hope. Even when the task is a monster, and too large to tackle comfortably, there's a little hope. Even if he's running farther and farther ahead of me, there's hope. Why? Well, I have legs, don't I? When someone runs away from you, what do you do? You chase after them, of course. You might be far ahead, but I'll chase you until I catch you.
After a wonderful weekend of some very close-to-home teachings, I feel as if I understand my heart a little better. Which is good, because it's hard to understand oneself. Do you realize how hard it is, in this god-forsaken culture, for someone to understand and love themselves? An actual love, that is, not some narcissistic vanity and misconception about one's worth. As a girl, I can say that, even though I've been brought up having things a lot of girls haven't had, I can say that there were times I looked in the mirror and absolutely abhorred myself. Now I'm learning to look and appreciate some things...and to love myself the way I was made to be. I'm not "beautiful" per se...I'd be the first to admit it; I'm not a fashion model or anything to be accoladed as such, but I'm not ape-ugly either. I'm not ugly, no, but I'm not astonishingly beautiful; I'm just...me. And it's fine to be just me...I like my eyes, my hair, my face...I'm kind of out of shape, but that's something that I can take care of.
It's important to understand and love yourself.
Why?
Because only then can you understand and love others.
~Fumblebee
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Far Away Places
Why do I somehow think that people are interested in my life and my thoughts? I mean, I can't get off saying they don't have value, or I'm some sort of emo-drown-in-my-sadness-worthlessness person...but I can't really say that anyone other than myself, perhaps, sees any value in what I say. That, or the people who are seeing something simply refuse to talk. Ah well...
I've had many, many thoughts lately...there's no way I'll be able to fit all of them in a single blog post, the the point of my having a blog is sharing what I think when I think it's time to share it. I write down notes of what I'm thinking, so if I'm at a loss of what to talk about, I can always pull out my notes and make a post from that.
Funny, isn't it, how life seems to fly by when you're trying your hardest to take things slowly? I really, really want my summer to feel a lot longer, but the problem is, if I try to accomplish things, it'll go even faster, so I'm actually better off not trying...but where's the fun in that? Besides, if I'm not trying, I'd end up working without pay or something. I do enjoy working, but...it depends.
Wow. This is post number eighteen, and it's June. I've been posting for roughly two months, and fairly regularly. I'm proud of myself. Yes, it's only a small thing, but...I've got to be proud of something, no?
Here's a little something I wrote:
My thoughts on some things that have happened to a friend...I'm rather jealous of the place he's at with God, as it's a place I'd like to be, but...I don't completely understand myself yet, and I know it's not for me right now. I still can't help feeling this way, though. Happy, yet longing for something tangible, such as that.
It's not a very comforting emotion, jealousy...and it really isn't worth the guilt it brings.
I guess I still have some habits to break.
~Fumble
I've had many, many thoughts lately...there's no way I'll be able to fit all of them in a single blog post, the the point of my having a blog is sharing what I think when I think it's time to share it. I write down notes of what I'm thinking, so if I'm at a loss of what to talk about, I can always pull out my notes and make a post from that.
Funny, isn't it, how life seems to fly by when you're trying your hardest to take things slowly? I really, really want my summer to feel a lot longer, but the problem is, if I try to accomplish things, it'll go even faster, so I'm actually better off not trying...but where's the fun in that? Besides, if I'm not trying, I'd end up working without pay or something. I do enjoy working, but...it depends.
Wow. This is post number eighteen, and it's June. I've been posting for roughly two months, and fairly regularly. I'm proud of myself. Yes, it's only a small thing, but...I've got to be proud of something, no?
Here's a little something I wrote:
He's at a place I can't match...
Awe. Confusion. Longing. Loneliness. Jealousy...unwilling jealousy...a tad of sadness.
I want that.
No matter what I do, I can't catch up. I look at you and see a place I have yet to come to. It's very uncomfortable, very disconcerting...because I want to be there, to be with you...but it's not going to happen. What I feel, what I think, what I understand...it's not enough. And it never will be.
I feel rather alone. Not an unfamiliar feeling, but not necessarily a "good" one.
Awe. Confusion. Longing. Loneliness. Jealousy...unwilling jealousy...a tad of sadness.
I want that.
No matter what I do, I can't catch up. I look at you and see a place I have yet to come to. It's very uncomfortable, very disconcerting...because I want to be there, to be with you...but it's not going to happen. What I feel, what I think, what I understand...it's not enough. And it never will be.
I feel rather alone. Not an unfamiliar feeling, but not necessarily a "good" one.
My thoughts on some things that have happened to a friend...I'm rather jealous of the place he's at with God, as it's a place I'd like to be, but...I don't completely understand myself yet, and I know it's not for me right now. I still can't help feeling this way, though. Happy, yet longing for something tangible, such as that.
It's not a very comforting emotion, jealousy...and it really isn't worth the guilt it brings.
I guess I still have some habits to break.
~Fumble
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