It's funny, isn't it?
How much someone can hide behind their smiles, their laughter, their so-called joy? You can go your entire life thinking someone never had any regrets, only to find that, caught in the middle of a regret too great to stand up to, they decide to take the easy way out, without saying goodbye. I find that it's usually the people who appear the most "together" who are broken into the most pieces. When you're that shattered, all the tiny pieces move like the skin of water, so fluidly you'd never guess at the poison hiding between the molecules.
Why is that? Is it because, when we aren't so broken, it's easier to show, easier to relax, and let others know we're not perfect? I don't think so. Brokenness is brokenness, and the magnitude of it has nothing to do with the amount of scar tissue left over.
Am I "together"? Do I seem that way to you? To be very blatantly honest, there is quite a lot of myself that I don't show, and as of yet, it works that way. I long for the day when I can show the entirety of my person to someone, but for right now, learning anew every morning that God knows and understands every part of my being is enough. There is a section of a verse that causes me to weep every time I read it, because I realize, over and over, that God understands the turmoil that is my heart; he understands the agony of being misunderstood.
"I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul."
~Psalm 31:7, emphasis mine
How astounding is that? God understands the agonies, whether small or big, of our souls - he understands, he comprehends, he knows.
How amazing Jesus is, and how tenderly he moves upon my heart! He knows my heart, my person, my character, my thoughts; it was no secret from Him when I was created; I will praise Him because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I praise Him because he knows every facet of my being, and sees fit to touch my heart in a way that is so beautiful, and so simple.
How can I be merely "together" when I am rent asunder before His loving gaze?
~Fumble
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Followers
Normality
- Fumblebee
- I'm a regular person saved by grace through Jesus with a few thoughts to share.
2 comments:
One, I feel absurdly the same way, specifically about finally showing myself to some other human. Although, honestly, I don't really know what secrets I have left, but the oddities of my personality and character. *shrugs*
You're an excellent writer, and, honestly, I think you've got it more together than I do. I suggest you take that more as an encouragement than an assessment, though it's intended as the latter.
Godspeed, you gorgeous thing. :D
!Noah!
I thank thee kindly, dear sir. It means a lot to me. =)
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