I think that many of my wants could coincide with some of my loves and/or secrets. Ah well.
1) I want to be a mom. Obviously not right now, but I want to have children. Many children, God willing. =D
2) I want to go skydiving at least once before I die.
3) Also, paragliding. I want to do that many, many times before I die. Then I'll do it some more in heaven. ^^
4) I want a tablet, so I can do better drawings and all.
5) I want more God in my life. There's so much of me, I'd rather decrease and let Him increase.
6) I want to teach piano, someday. I suppose we'll see if that happens or not, but I think I could, easily.
7) I want to publish and hit bestseller with a novel. Even if it's only one in my entire life(hopefully more, but we'll see), I want to live to see it happen.
Huh. I thought that would take longer, but it didn't. Maybe I'm selfish, and maybe most of those desires are whimsical, but...most of them have been in my heart for years.
Well, I'm still hoping, anyhow.
~Fumble
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Eight Fears
Missed a day. Ah well; I was justified. I have a huge history midterm on Wednesday, and have had little or no spare time outside of studying for it. Meh...
Anyhow...eight fears is for today. I suppose I'm not very afraid of many things, but I'll come up with something, right?
1) To be very, very bluntly honest...I'm afraid of being raped. Not that I am being threatened - no, I'm just afraid that, with the world being the way it is and people being inherently evil...yeah. Though, I'm more afraid for my little sister than I am. *sigh* However, I have faith in God, that He will guard me. In fact, He already has. There was a possibility for some awful things to happen when I was in a locker room alone as a child, but I think it was divine that nothing happened, when it all too easily could have.
2) I would be afraid, or desperately sad if anyone in my family were to die. Again, this is an area where God has shown His love and mercy. My family is very large, and yet not a one of us has been killed or seriously maimed in any sort of way. God is faithful.
3) Now for something a bit less serious. I'm afraid I'll do poorly on my history midterm. There is an awful lot of information I'm *supposed* to have memorized for it, and though I've been studying very diligently, I'm worried that I won't do very well. But, what's the point in fearing? I keep reminding myself that I can do all things through Christ - even a history midterm. He will get me through.
4) I suppose a major thing that is not life-threatening in any way to me is that I am afraid to disappoint people. The greatest of which are God and my parents. Next would be other family and friends. I so dearly love my peoples, and especially God, and I fear that I don't live up to them, that I don't honor them enough with my life and what I do.
5) I'm afraid of zombies. Or, rather, my imaginary zombies. I don't like going up stairs alone at night, because I can't look both ways at once. Meh.
6) I suppose I'm a bit afraid of losing my fingers or hands in some freak accident. I so love to write, draw, and play piano, and if I were to lose even one finger, I would have difficulty coping, I think.
7) I'm afraid that, because I'm learning Karate/self defense, particularly what to do if someone grabs me, that someday, one of my friends will try to play a joke on me, and I will find that I react and hurt them, accidentally.
8) I would be afraid of living without God. I can't imagine life without His presence in my every heartbeat and breath. That would be the eternal and terrifying separation. Not one I want to go through with in the least.
I think that, in the end, I am not afraid, per se, of many things. Things can worry and cause me to act fearfully, but I am not truly afraid of many things. I suppose that death should have featured on that list somewhere, but I don't think I'm afraid of dying. Maybe, dying without having changed the world. Also, torture did not feature on that list, either. That is one thing I couldn't stand. I'd rather just be put to death, not tortured. I trust that God knows this. :P
Anyhow...I shall off to bed, and bid thee good night.
~Fumble
Anyhow...eight fears is for today. I suppose I'm not very afraid of many things, but I'll come up with something, right?
1) To be very, very bluntly honest...I'm afraid of being raped. Not that I am being threatened - no, I'm just afraid that, with the world being the way it is and people being inherently evil...yeah. Though, I'm more afraid for my little sister than I am. *sigh* However, I have faith in God, that He will guard me. In fact, He already has. There was a possibility for some awful things to happen when I was in a locker room alone as a child, but I think it was divine that nothing happened, when it all too easily could have.
2) I would be afraid, or desperately sad if anyone in my family were to die. Again, this is an area where God has shown His love and mercy. My family is very large, and yet not a one of us has been killed or seriously maimed in any sort of way. God is faithful.
3) Now for something a bit less serious. I'm afraid I'll do poorly on my history midterm. There is an awful lot of information I'm *supposed* to have memorized for it, and though I've been studying very diligently, I'm worried that I won't do very well. But, what's the point in fearing? I keep reminding myself that I can do all things through Christ - even a history midterm. He will get me through.
4) I suppose a major thing that is not life-threatening in any way to me is that I am afraid to disappoint people. The greatest of which are God and my parents. Next would be other family and friends. I so dearly love my peoples, and especially God, and I fear that I don't live up to them, that I don't honor them enough with my life and what I do.
5) I'm afraid of zombies. Or, rather, my imaginary zombies. I don't like going up stairs alone at night, because I can't look both ways at once. Meh.
6) I suppose I'm a bit afraid of losing my fingers or hands in some freak accident. I so love to write, draw, and play piano, and if I were to lose even one finger, I would have difficulty coping, I think.
7) I'm afraid that, because I'm learning Karate/self defense, particularly what to do if someone grabs me, that someday, one of my friends will try to play a joke on me, and I will find that I react and hurt them, accidentally.
8) I would be afraid of living without God. I can't imagine life without His presence in my every heartbeat and breath. That would be the eternal and terrifying separation. Not one I want to go through with in the least.
I think that, in the end, I am not afraid, per se, of many things. Things can worry and cause me to act fearfully, but I am not truly afraid of many things. I suppose that death should have featured on that list somewhere, but I don't think I'm afraid of dying. Maybe, dying without having changed the world. Also, torture did not feature on that list, either. That is one thing I couldn't stand. I'd rather just be put to death, not tortured. I trust that God knows this. :P
Anyhow...I shall off to bed, and bid thee good night.
~Fumble
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Nine Loves
So, here we are, day two. I think I shall try to keep these posts day-to-day, and if anything else that might prove to be interesting comes up, I will simply post again. I'm sure no one would mind.
Anyhow...nine loves, is it? Though I'm quite sure I have many, many more.
1) Music, many kinds. Classical will always hold a very special place in my heart; it is ageless, compared to so many other genre. After that, I can't truly use other genre, as the music I love is undefinable with genre. It seems crude to try and define the precious gift of music given us by trying to define and categorize it away.
2) Autumn. My favorite season of all, I think. I mean, I love all the seasons, but autumn has something above the others. Some melancholy triumph over that of winter, spring, or summer. If you want a glimpse into my heart, look at, think upon, and walk around in Autumn. The victory before a time of death, until it can rise again.
3) My family. I am very blessed when it comes to family. I have never wanted any other than what I have, and I certainly hope they've never wanted any other than me. I dearly love them all. See, this is that sentimental streak that is so entwined into my being. You shall have to get used to it, for it comes out in the oddest places.
4) Singing. I am no diva, nor am I an amazing talent, but I love to sing, whether it be praises to God or for fun. To me, even if I am not directly praising God with my voice, I feel as if I can praise Him by using what He's given me, and not wasting it, as some do. In singing, I have a freedom that I seldom have elsewhere. There is something powerful in having a strong voice, and I mean to sing out.
5) The Bible. It has become such a staple in my life; I scarce know how to live without the voracious consumption of it. It is all that is right, just, and true. From the Truth comes truth; what better way to pursue truth in my own life? By His Word I am saved again and again from the depths of my soul's despair. It gives me a hope I could not abide apart from; it is His greatest gift to me, I feel. It should be a tragic waste indeed if I were not to utilize it to its fullest potential. Though, I'm sure I'm not there quite yet. I can always strive, though.
6) In line with my last love, God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus. One and the same, and yet separate. God I love, as He is my Father. In fact, the only true, good Father who loves His children unconditionally. The Holy Spirit, because it abides within me; an ever-present reminder of my decision to follow Jesus. And yes, Jesus, the bridegroom, my brother, my intimate friend. I will never be the same since meeting these three. And, to tell the truth, I never want to be the same again.
7) I shan't bestow my love upon any one person, for I love so many. Let me simply say that, as of yet, I have not given my heart in that way to anyone; it is safe, for the moment. May it stay that way for a time. I love many parts of many people, but I know myself too well to subject myself to believing that I have some fluttery "love" feeling for anyone. After all, love isn't so much a feeling as a doing; a servant hood. It is an action, what you do with the feeling, that determines whether or not it is love. Love is not selfish - and I cling to that. For, so far as I know, I have never beheld anyone in such a a way as to believe I was in love, and yet be unselfish about the entire thing. I shall be patient; I am in no great hurry. There is time enough for love, in time.
8) I love the arts, including singing and music, as well as art and writing. I could not live without these; they are rather close to my heart. I am by no means brilliant at any of them, but I shall endeavor all my life to improve what art and talent I may have.
9) Ah, the last love. I find that I'm running out of things that I truly love, but this at least I can be sure in. I love all my friends. Hopefully, you know who you are, and can be blessed. Perhaps I am too tender, I love too easily, but it is no great fault after knowing many wonderful people, is it? My heart is big; it has room for many.
I am blessed in an abundance of love, for many people, places, things. You can probably see this, but I hope it can be an encouragement to you.
After all, love grows.
~Fumble
Anyhow...nine loves, is it? Though I'm quite sure I have many, many more.
1) Music, many kinds. Classical will always hold a very special place in my heart; it is ageless, compared to so many other genre. After that, I can't truly use other genre, as the music I love is undefinable with genre. It seems crude to try and define the precious gift of music given us by trying to define and categorize it away.
2) Autumn. My favorite season of all, I think. I mean, I love all the seasons, but autumn has something above the others. Some melancholy triumph over that of winter, spring, or summer. If you want a glimpse into my heart, look at, think upon, and walk around in Autumn. The victory before a time of death, until it can rise again.
3) My family. I am very blessed when it comes to family. I have never wanted any other than what I have, and I certainly hope they've never wanted any other than me. I dearly love them all. See, this is that sentimental streak that is so entwined into my being. You shall have to get used to it, for it comes out in the oddest places.
4) Singing. I am no diva, nor am I an amazing talent, but I love to sing, whether it be praises to God or for fun. To me, even if I am not directly praising God with my voice, I feel as if I can praise Him by using what He's given me, and not wasting it, as some do. In singing, I have a freedom that I seldom have elsewhere. There is something powerful in having a strong voice, and I mean to sing out.
5) The Bible. It has become such a staple in my life; I scarce know how to live without the voracious consumption of it. It is all that is right, just, and true. From the Truth comes truth; what better way to pursue truth in my own life? By His Word I am saved again and again from the depths of my soul's despair. It gives me a hope I could not abide apart from; it is His greatest gift to me, I feel. It should be a tragic waste indeed if I were not to utilize it to its fullest potential. Though, I'm sure I'm not there quite yet. I can always strive, though.
6) In line with my last love, God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus. One and the same, and yet separate. God I love, as He is my Father. In fact, the only true, good Father who loves His children unconditionally. The Holy Spirit, because it abides within me; an ever-present reminder of my decision to follow Jesus. And yes, Jesus, the bridegroom, my brother, my intimate friend. I will never be the same since meeting these three. And, to tell the truth, I never want to be the same again.
7) I shan't bestow my love upon any one person, for I love so many. Let me simply say that, as of yet, I have not given my heart in that way to anyone; it is safe, for the moment. May it stay that way for a time. I love many parts of many people, but I know myself too well to subject myself to believing that I have some fluttery "love" feeling for anyone. After all, love isn't so much a feeling as a doing; a servant hood. It is an action, what you do with the feeling, that determines whether or not it is love. Love is not selfish - and I cling to that. For, so far as I know, I have never beheld anyone in such a a way as to believe I was in love, and yet be unselfish about the entire thing. I shall be patient; I am in no great hurry. There is time enough for love, in time.
8) I love the arts, including singing and music, as well as art and writing. I could not live without these; they are rather close to my heart. I am by no means brilliant at any of them, but I shall endeavor all my life to improve what art and talent I may have.
9) Ah, the last love. I find that I'm running out of things that I truly love, but this at least I can be sure in. I love all my friends. Hopefully, you know who you are, and can be blessed. Perhaps I am too tender, I love too easily, but it is no great fault after knowing many wonderful people, is it? My heart is big; it has room for many.
I am blessed in an abundance of love, for many people, places, things. You can probably see this, but I hope it can be an encouragement to you.
After all, love grows.
~Fumble
Ten Secrets
For lack of something more constant, I've decided to undertake this challenge: http://bloglovetherapy.blogspot.com/2012/10/10-day-you-challenge-seven-wants.html
It will probably be terribly fun, and I and others will enjoy it, but I shall only use it if I have nothing better to say.
Anyhow, for today is ten secrets.
Well, I don't really have that many secrets, I suppose. Then again, anything I say could be taken as a secret, if you don't know me all that well.
1) I dream of publishing books, and being one of those famous authors. Not the Stephanie Meyer kind - never - but the kind that writes a book that challenges all who read it. A C. S. Lewis type of person. Quotable. Someone who is remembered years from now because I said something wise. Perhaps even many somethings.
2) I desperately love stuffed animals. I have a wicker chest filled with them. Particularly sheep.
3) I also dream of being an amazing artist. I am so far from it at this point, but someday, I would like to create in the realm of the physical some of the beautiful pictures I have in my head.
4) I've composed a tune for Rue's song, in The Hunger Games. Perhaps someday I will record myself singing and playing it. Perhaps not.
5) Speaking of dreams, I have so many, I am afraid that most will never be fulfilled.
6) I want to live in Japan for a year, so I can experience all four seasons, and all the mini cultural tweaks that go with the year.
7) I would dearly love to be married right now, but I am not mature enough for it. I don't know enough to be a good wife. I shall need an adventurous husband, who loves God, myself, and can put up with all my odd tendencies.
8) I am one of those start-many-projects-finish-only-one people. Hence why this blog is only updated in fits and starts.
9) I speak to myself. With accents. And sing opera in the shower.
10) I am a pack rat, to some extent.
There. These may or may not be secrets to you, or they might be. Either way, you have just learned ten things about me.
Enjoy!
~Fumble
It will probably be terribly fun, and I and others will enjoy it, but I shall only use it if I have nothing better to say.
Anyhow, for today is ten secrets.
Well, I don't really have that many secrets, I suppose. Then again, anything I say could be taken as a secret, if you don't know me all that well.
1) I dream of publishing books, and being one of those famous authors. Not the Stephanie Meyer kind - never - but the kind that writes a book that challenges all who read it. A C. S. Lewis type of person. Quotable. Someone who is remembered years from now because I said something wise. Perhaps even many somethings.
2) I desperately love stuffed animals. I have a wicker chest filled with them. Particularly sheep.
3) I also dream of being an amazing artist. I am so far from it at this point, but someday, I would like to create in the realm of the physical some of the beautiful pictures I have in my head.
4) I've composed a tune for Rue's song, in The Hunger Games. Perhaps someday I will record myself singing and playing it. Perhaps not.
5) Speaking of dreams, I have so many, I am afraid that most will never be fulfilled.
6) I want to live in Japan for a year, so I can experience all four seasons, and all the mini cultural tweaks that go with the year.
7) I would dearly love to be married right now, but I am not mature enough for it. I don't know enough to be a good wife. I shall need an adventurous husband, who loves God, myself, and can put up with all my odd tendencies.
8) I am one of those start-many-projects-finish-only-one people. Hence why this blog is only updated in fits and starts.
9) I speak to myself. With accents. And sing opera in the shower.
10) I am a pack rat, to some extent.
There. These may or may not be secrets to you, or they might be. Either way, you have just learned ten things about me.
Enjoy!
~Fumble
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Fly
Soundtrack for today's post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D0vaiKq3TQ
Happiness. Seems like a dream, just about, doesn't it? I'm not sure about this all. I've already decided to wait on God for my own, so it would be a shame to give up so suddenly. Of course, I'm not really giving up. Not yet, at least. I'm not allowed to give up until I'm 35, right?
The only issue now is trust, isn't it? It's so easy to trust God in the now thing - daily bread and all that - but somehow it's difficult to trust in Him and entrust Him with all the tomorrows I have. He already knows what each day holds; is it really so hard to believe that He's got it all under control?
Well, for me, apparently, yes. Yes it is.
I think I'm getting a little better, though. I can smile back to the smile offered me, and think nothing of it. You see, I've found that I don't need to think 24-7 about that guy that gave me five seconds of his time. Oh, yes, the heart is so fickle, but I'm learning to have a thick skin, while still being soft inside. I'm learning not to read ridiculous things into harmless gestures. I'm learning that just because someone looks at me doesn't mean I have to respond. I don't have to sell myself short into that way of life again. You see, I know someone who knows it all. I don't have to guess what tomorrow will bring, or try to control how it will turn out. I don't have to do it on my own.
And you know what?
It's freeing.
~Fumble
Happiness. Seems like a dream, just about, doesn't it? I'm not sure about this all. I've already decided to wait on God for my own, so it would be a shame to give up so suddenly. Of course, I'm not really giving up. Not yet, at least. I'm not allowed to give up until I'm 35, right?
The only issue now is trust, isn't it? It's so easy to trust God in the now thing - daily bread and all that - but somehow it's difficult to trust in Him and entrust Him with all the tomorrows I have. He already knows what each day holds; is it really so hard to believe that He's got it all under control?
Well, for me, apparently, yes. Yes it is.
I think I'm getting a little better, though. I can smile back to the smile offered me, and think nothing of it. You see, I've found that I don't need to think 24-7 about that guy that gave me five seconds of his time. Oh, yes, the heart is so fickle, but I'm learning to have a thick skin, while still being soft inside. I'm learning not to read ridiculous things into harmless gestures. I'm learning that just because someone looks at me doesn't mean I have to respond. I don't have to sell myself short into that way of life again. You see, I know someone who knows it all. I don't have to guess what tomorrow will bring, or try to control how it will turn out. I don't have to do it on my own.
And you know what?
It's freeing.
~Fumble
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Bourne
Oh dear. I've done it again, haven't I? I've convinced myself that I'm worthless. Isn't that awful?
Only, this time, it's not for attention. I'm past that - I hope. I am so easily led to believe that my worth is tied into my performance. So easily convinced that how well I do is a reflection of the way God made me. I can't even live up to that, really; I can't do much right, can't honor Him much with my efforts, though I do earnestly try.
But that's the heart of it, isn't it? I can't.
I can't, but He can.
The rest of the struggle is simply my own, because I want to do something on my own - I want to be on my own, be independent, be my own person, carefree and riding the back of the wind.
The biggest lie is that I have to give that all up to do what He wants me to do - that there is no place for such things in my walk with Him. I may have to relinquish a thing, for a time, but every good and perfect gift comes from Him, right? Why can't I simply believe that He has good things in store for me? Why should it be so hard to believe Him, and so easy to believe everything else, including the worst of myself?
I tried, didn't I? And I didn't get an A+, so I must be worthless, right? How easily I fall down while trying to skate smoothly. How easily I skin my knees and elbows, trying to catch myself, and fall down. But my blood isn't the miracle His is. Mine is only an imitation, a shallow sham of His greatest gift. What should be a reminder is concealed behind layers of selfish hurt and pain. Oh yes, how selfish I am with these things. I never share, I never reveal, I only let them fester until, though no one can see them, the aroma dyes the air around me black and blue.
How easy it is to be lost within ourselves. How easy to never look up, to never watch the sun rise, to ignore its setting. How easy to forget that there is life beyond our skin.
And how pitiful is that? To miss out on the greatest adventure, because of a scrape, because we so believe we need a band-aid for an invisible wound that manifests in our hearts?
I need to grow up. Not to forget, not to forsake imagination, but to grow up, wake up, and open my eyes to the sky and the truth of the one who reigns in the ancient skies.
It's all or nothing.
~Fumble
Only, this time, it's not for attention. I'm past that - I hope. I am so easily led to believe that my worth is tied into my performance. So easily convinced that how well I do is a reflection of the way God made me. I can't even live up to that, really; I can't do much right, can't honor Him much with my efforts, though I do earnestly try.
But that's the heart of it, isn't it? I can't.
I can't, but He can.
The rest of the struggle is simply my own, because I want to do something on my own - I want to be on my own, be independent, be my own person, carefree and riding the back of the wind.
The biggest lie is that I have to give that all up to do what He wants me to do - that there is no place for such things in my walk with Him. I may have to relinquish a thing, for a time, but every good and perfect gift comes from Him, right? Why can't I simply believe that He has good things in store for me? Why should it be so hard to believe Him, and so easy to believe everything else, including the worst of myself?
I tried, didn't I? And I didn't get an A+, so I must be worthless, right? How easily I fall down while trying to skate smoothly. How easily I skin my knees and elbows, trying to catch myself, and fall down. But my blood isn't the miracle His is. Mine is only an imitation, a shallow sham of His greatest gift. What should be a reminder is concealed behind layers of selfish hurt and pain. Oh yes, how selfish I am with these things. I never share, I never reveal, I only let them fester until, though no one can see them, the aroma dyes the air around me black and blue.
How easy it is to be lost within ourselves. How easy to never look up, to never watch the sun rise, to ignore its setting. How easy to forget that there is life beyond our skin.
And how pitiful is that? To miss out on the greatest adventure, because of a scrape, because we so believe we need a band-aid for an invisible wound that manifests in our hearts?
I need to grow up. Not to forget, not to forsake imagination, but to grow up, wake up, and open my eyes to the sky and the truth of the one who reigns in the ancient skies.
It's all or nothing.
~Fumble
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
