Blame

Why is it that when someone hurts us, we think, "They'll be sorry if I die today," or similar things? Why are we always at fault? And why is self-injury always our response? Certainly, the people who hurt us would sorrow if some injury would come to us, but why should we need to hurt ourselves in the first place? Hurt is so easily received, especially when it was the thing least intended. Again, the problem of having a tender heart - it's far too easily hurt, too emotional, too prone to react in the extreme.

I just wonder why we blame ourselves immediately, especially when there is nothing to be blamed for. I suppose it's that it's easier to blame oneself than accept that the other person is in the wrong. After all, who wants to always go around pointing out other's faults? Not I, at least. No, it's much safer to be alone in one's misery, and to be content with keeping the blame to oneself. That way, you don't have to risk being injured more deeply through arguing over blame.

I am not a very loud person, or at least not inside. Certainly, I have an energetic, never-shuts-up front, but that is merely a deterrent so no one will look any deeper. When you appear shallow, that is what people accept as "you". Inside, however, I hate to cause problems, and so try my best to be peaceful. If that includes taking the blame for things completely beyond my control, so be it. So long as everyone else is happy.

I am not unhappy about this - resigned, certainly, but not unhappy. It's not always bad, taking the blame...if only a tad lonely. I'll gladly apologize and repent if it'll save someone else. After all, not everyone is as well acquainted with loneliness and sorrow as myself.

~Fumblebee