Family Ties

For once, I really need someone to talk to. And yet again, I have no one. I try not to unload all my problems onto other people, since they all obviously have their problems as well, but...sometimes it's hard alone. It's easy to be wrong when you're alone...I'm convinced that it's knowing and talking to others that makes us understand what "right" is.

How funny, that it's easier to be sorrowful and melancholy than angry - at least, it is for me. I can be intensely angry for a short time, but all too often, my mind starts showing me all the reasons I shouldn't and can't be angry. I get a taste of what it is to be in the other's shoes, and that dissolves all the anger...and in its place is guilt, plain and simple. After the guilt wears away, all that's left is sadness...the kind that washes in and out like waves, taking away the old melancholy and bringing in something new with every slam of water on shore. I'm a sandbar subjected to this, and it's not too long before I've changed shape, or even disappeared.

Perhaps I should stop trying to be all poetic and simply talk. It's...difficult, though. I don't want to accidentally show people I know what I'm feeling, but there are a few I trust enough to let them see...but very few. My heart is a Swiss safe, and I'm rather reluctant to give out the key. Here's the gist of it, I suppose. I love my family. Perhaps a bit too much, but...family is family after all. Roughly half of my siblings are not walking with the Lord, and it often makes relationships tense. I myself am often the subject of teasing...but I'm not so worried about myself. I really fear for my siblings...I love them, but I absolutely don't know what to do, except pray.

I'm afraid I can't really expand on that. I mean, I could, but I don't really know what to say. I don't really understand the situation myself, but I do know I don't want to see someone I love go through and to Hell.

I'm too emotional, I know...I really am lost on this one. Ah well. Yes, prayer. It'd be nice to know I wasn't alone, though...

~Fumblebee