Questions

What qualifies one for greatness? What is it that allows us to lead the life we do, no matter what station it is? Through what methods is one chosen to spend a life in poverty, or wealth; sickness, or health? Are our hearts measured, or is it simply an accident of chance?

What decides what or who we become? How can our hearts be read and known? Because hearts change. People fade and forget who they are. When life is so short and so long at the same time, in the chaos of living, surviving for another day, how can one possibly keep a tender, living heart?

Those who believe in this "heart of flesh" are too soft; too loving; too trusting. Their hearts are broken and scarred far too easily. To be soft, to be tender, it to be vulnerable. In this world, to be vulnerable is to be born to die, slaughtered by harsh reality. This is the truth; how sorrowfully ironic that the thing that sets us free is that which smashes us to the ground and batters us beyond repair.

Really, what is there to hope for? Those who are "great"...what was ever great about them, except their station? And for those have struggled and fought their way to top, when you're at the top, where is there left to go? Won't you just end up sinking back down in to the mire of ignored, trashed talents? There is no appreciation for what is actually valuable, as opposed to the cheap chrome-painted trash so easily available.

So. Why was I thrust into this world that doesn't care? Why was I "cursed" with a tender heart, that is so easily cast aside, so easily wounded, so easily scarred? And if all of this is true, why wasn't I given a way to fly away, and leave it all behind?

No wonder there are so many suicide jumpers. At least one can have a brief taste of what should have been before they are lost.

Not that I'm aiming for the jump - no, I'm far too cowardly for that. I cannot even hurt myself; the thought makes me sick, though it's not necessarily a bad thing. Why? Simply thing; I don't want to die. As bad as things may be, I have no desire to give up. Thank God for that. He never promised that it would be easy - and even if it were, easy would be no testament to His name. No, it will never be easy - but I'll never be alone, either.

And for now, with all the hell that must be gone through, I can handle it knowing that.

~Overcast.